It Is Finished

Nope, I haven’t quit yet. Neither have I made a final decision. “Then what is finished?” you query.

I finished telling everyone (a.k.a. the important people in my life) that I’m quitting my job and what options I’m looking into. The overwhelming responses have ranged from, “Go for it! It’s about time you got outta there!” to the more demure, “I think this is a good thing for you, you need a change.” What can I say? I have fantastic family and friends. They’re supportive. Three people have expressed concerns… one coworker, one friend, and my pops. Refocusing on Pasadena as opposed to Dallas and Pasadena and telling them I’d be picking up a full-time job in my industry has alleviated some of their concerns, though. After all, those concerns involved picking up additional debt (not working and taking on college loans), not having health insurance (something that was never an option for me for obvious reasons), and splitting locations and moving more than once… all valid concerns. There are a couple other concerns still out there, and I’m not brushing them off. They’re all worth serious consideration.

When I started taking a more focused look at Pasadena, I sent an email to a friend of mine who used to be a Bodily Injury (BI) Supervisor when I was a Non-Injury Supervisor. I asked her what the going rate is for a BI adjuster (which we both currently are since we were both laid off from our management positions) with experience. Way-ull… it’s niiice. And significantly more than the pay here in Colorado. I’d be able to put rent on top of my existing monthly obligations and still pay down the remainder of my debt–while going to school! Plus I’d still be growing my 401K and have the safety of health insurance in the event my body nose dives during the 21-month course of study. I’d have no personal life Monday through Friday for 21 months, but I’d have health insurance! Silver linings, right?

Anyway, Debbie and I tried–again–to take each other to lupper (lunch/supper) at Tucanos. <sigh> Third time’s the charm? We walked in and were told they weren’t accepting walk-ins until 9:00 p.m. Um, we walked in at 3:00 p.m. I checked their signage… nothing about not taking walk-ins. When I got home I checked their website. Nope. Nothing there either. So, I sent an email to the manager to let him/her know we didn’t appreciate having our birthday plans foiled. We ended up going for hamburgers at Five Guys and then Glacier for dessert. Gelato, to be exact. I chose a scoop of brown sugar cinnamon (think snickerdoodle ice cream with no snickerdoodle cookies in it… sooo good!) and a scoop of stracciatella (a.k.a. Italian chocolate chip ice cream). Mmmm. The only fruity flavor that interested me was lemon poppy, but I’ve had it before and didn’t think it would go with the brown sugar cinnamon gelato. Man, I love homemade ice cream and gelato.

I also got to see my friend Sarah when I went over to the clubhouse to have them test my keycard. Turns out it was wigging out due to the butt cold weather we had. 7° F to be exact. Like I said, butt cold. I’m planning to hit the gym tomorrow. And I plan to go Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday before work if I can. I also plan to resume upon returning from California on Sunday. (I did mention I’m flying to California on Wednesday night, right? Adri’s commencement? That whole thing? If I didn’t–oops!) I told her what is going on… her response? “We’ve got to get together many times before you leave?” Again… supportive friends. Whether or not I go to culinary school, it’s really nice to be so loved on by the wonderful people in my life.

Top this day off with chores around the house and a pedicure and it’s been a pretty darn good day.

Moving Forward

First things first… I hate the Gnats. And I really hate when the Gnats are beating my Dodgers. But it’s only the third inning… a lot can happen.

I talked to my baby brother today because I didn’t want him left off the family grapevine. He thinks culinary school is a fantastic idea. It was pretty funny because we were both on our cell phones while driving so we kept talking over each other. He did ask if I could snag some management courses as that’s the area he sees as lacking in the restaurant industry. When I told him I could take online courses after I finish the degree program, he was very encouraged. He also told me he has seen a pastry chef cry when a head chef chewed her out… but then he said I had far more backbone than she does. Why thank you, brother dear. I’ll take that as a compliment.

I also sent an email out last night to my best girls (minus two I forgot–shhh! don’t tell!) and my two aunts. If you heard very loud cheering around 10:00 p.m. MT last night, that was my aunt. Her response was hilarious… I’ll paraphrase: Do it! Quit now! Get out of there! It’ll kill you! (Bear in mind we work for the same company.) In all seriousness, she was very excited. A few of the girls have chimed in and they’ve all been positive thus far. My favorite response was the one I received from Joanne this morning, “YAY! Finally you are doing it! I’m praying for a great job for you with a cute, tall, single, Christian, never married guy who owns the joint and whom you can marry, have kiddos with, and live happily ever after!” And I can pretty much guarantee she’s praying exactly that. I love her. She’s hilarious! She and Chris both say the most outrageous things. They’re never boring!

I talked on the phone with Marilyn (my honorary grandmother) today. She called my dad last weekend and asked how her granddaughter was doing.

Um, why do the Gnats’ jerseys read, GIGANTES? I’ve been watching the game since the start of the second inning and would appreciate a ‘splanation. Just sayin’…

Anyway, I told Marilyn about my plan. I have never heard such an excited 83-year-old! She’s been convinced for quite some time that there’s a husband out there in a culinary school just waiting for me to arrive. No, I’m not joking. Now she’s praying about this in earnest. I think she and Joanne should meet. I’m hoping I can get out to see her and Jim before I go to culinary school–if I go–because I won’t be able to once I get started. And I just can’t fathom not seeing them for two years. That’s unacceptable.

Okay. I’m back. I know you’ve been wondering about my whereabouts for the past hour and a half. Jackie read my posts and called. This was a short conversation, an hour and twenty minutes. No tears. We both got caught up and we both know what we’re praying for each other. She’s priceless. In the best way. And she had a business idea that has such merit I’m keeping it to myself. I don’t want anyone to steal the idea in case it becomes a reality.

I can’t remember the last time I was looking at the clock on a Sunday night, knowing I have to get up and go to work in the morning, and not feeling the panic rise. I’m actually relaxed. There’s such a relief in knowing that no matter what comes to pass, by the first week of July, I will be quitting. Whether it’s to take another job or to head to culinary school, I’m quitting. There’s a freedom in this knowledge.

With that, I’ll leave you all with wishes for a lovely evening!

P.S. Church was FANTASTIC today! Fan-tas-tic. Really good.

Armed with a Plan

Yes, I started today with a plan:

1. Go to the Chef’s Catalog warehouse sale.
2. Go to the fabric store to get something that’ll work for a lightweight jacket and trim for a dress my fantabulous mother is sewing for me.
3. Send an email to my out-of-state sibs regarding the present upheaval in my life.
4. Take a nap.

I set my alarm for 6:45 a.m. and was out the door by seven o’clock. My parents and I have been to this sale three times now. It’s a blast! We head to Starbucks and grab hot chocolate for Dad and I and coffee for Mom. Then it’s off to the store. The first year we went around 11:00 a.m. Bad idea. They’re already pretty picked over. Last year we went around 8:30 a.m. Better. This year we were in line by 7:45 a.m. The doors open at eight o’clock. People cheered. It was hilarious! I picked up KitchenAid’s 12-cup food processor. It’s not their newest model, but the one I got is still the top-rated. I bought it for $90.00. It was originally over $200.00. And it had never been opened so I’m excited! I also picked up a couple odds and ends and was out the door for $98.00 even.

We dropped off my dad and then Mom and I headed to the fabric store since she needed some stuff as well. The fabric for my dress is white with coral-colored roses. I found a lovely reddish brown crepe that’ll be used for the trim and jacket. Browns are tricky for my skin tone, so I held it up for Mom to judge. She thought it was fantastic! When I held it up to my neck, my cheeks bloomed with all this pink. When I took it away, the pink left. I’m telling you, coral is a great color for blondes! And the reddish brown could be argued as a dark coral. (Have I lost all the men in the room yet?)

I did send the email to my sister Julie, my brother Ethan, and my sister-in-law Adrianna. It read:

Hi guys,

I’ve decided I’m quitting my job. One might argue this isn’t the best time based on the still lagging economy and job shortages, but after four years of being told I’m not good enough at what I do (even though I lead the pack in many of my stats), receiving compliments that are followed by all the ways I can improve, and being worked beyond what I’m capable, I’m beyond burnt out. When you leave work and just want to cry, you know it’s time to get out–AND I’M NOT A CRIER! That said, I haven’t yet quit my job… I won’t do that without a plan.

I’ve looked at a couple of different opportunities here in town and all will require a pay cut–some worse than others. That’s fine. I’ve worked my tail off the past two years and paid off all but two bills. My monthly requirements are actually quite low so that’s doable. But when I look at these options I get major butterflies in my stomach. And while this may sound weird, God talks to me through my stomach. He has for years.

I was also thinking about two conversations with you, Julie. About eight years ago, you were out to Colorado to visit and asked if I’d ever considered culinary school. And you had reasons. I never had, other than the boot camps run by the CIA, but you got me to thinking about it. Then you asked me again when we were driving to dinner at Super Mex last month. I actually thought it was really odd that you’d bring it up eight years later. Especially when to all the world it looked like I was in a stable job that I just didn’t care for much, but wouldn’t leave for at least another year.

So I pulled up Le Cordon Bleu online. I started looking at what the options are and they’ve enlarged their program since I was last on there… they now have an actual associates degree in pastry/baking, after which I can choose to take their management courses online if I want. The latter provides a certification as well. What’s interesting is that they now have a campus in Dallas. Where we have family. And where I would be a short drive from more family, and good friends because Jason, Esther, and their kids now live on the west side of Houston. I can also split the program and do half in Dallas and half in Pasadena, including the externship. The L.A. Times test kitchen pulls from the Le Cordon Bleu externship program, so that would be an option–an extremely enticing option for yours truly. Nerding out in the kitchen and then parlaying it into a writing situation is right up my alley.

I sent a request to speak with reps from both campuses and spoke briefly with the rep in Dallas. We have an appointment Thursday night to go over everything in greater detail, but she confirmed I can split the program between two campuses and would still get cuisine courses, something I wanted in there somewhere. The associates degree is an 84-week program. You can bust it out in a year and a half if you commit to going straight through, or you can take a quarter off, like for summer break.

The interesting thing is that I have zero butterflies when I consider this option. My stomach is as still as can be. I announced to Mom and Dad on Wednesday that they needed to start praying for a new job for me and to put me on the Sunday school prayer list and Mom’s prayer time at CBS [where my mom works]. Then I told them about this idea last night. Mom’s on board. Dad’s hesitant. But it helped when I told him I still had to get a lot of ducks in a row before I’d go this direction.

So… if you could pray for guidance as I figure out where to go and what to do, that would be greatly appreciated! I’ve decided three months is the cut off. And no, I won’t make it until I’m vested next March (but I checked and I’m about 90% vested at this point, so the loss isn’t severe). I’m too stressed… I’m getting migraines from work stress; my blood pressure is still high when it isn’t controlled by medication, from stress; and I’m depressed more often than I’m not. So it’s time for some changes. And I’m single… if I screw up, it’s only me in the balance and not a spouse and kids.

Thanks,

Beth

I’ve already received two replies:

Julie: Exciting. Don’t think too much. Just do it. I believe you are an AMAZING cook.

Adri: Thank you for sharing. I love the plan and will pray for continued confidence and faith to step out into something new. I just take exception to giving Julie all the credit for the idea. 

Do I have great family or what? As I said in the email to the sibs, my mom is on board and my pops is hesitant. He’s coming around, though. We had a looong conversation today and discussed the potential for a restaurant downtown that serves breakfast on Saturdays only; lunch that is dine in or to go consisting of sandwiches, soups, and salads; and then dinner consisting of well made comfortish food. For example… I have a killer meatloaf recipe that has to be frozen (don’t ask, just go with it). So you make it today and freeze it. Tomorrow, you cook it for the dinner run as you make and freeze a new batch. Then on day three, you serve leftover meatloaf in sandwiches, fresh meatloaf for dinner, and then make the new batch. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’d also make my braised turkey every Sunday night with all the trimmings and prepare enough turkey to have leftovers for turkey sandwiches all week long. Sandwiches with cranberry mayo, cheddar cheese, bacon, and whole grain bread. Trust me, they’re good. Really good. But, if I had a restaurant, I’d be known for some killer desserts… homemade ice creams, my mama’s apple cake, peach cake, my drunken apple pie, and my cheesecake, amongst whatever else I learn to make, right?

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not set on owning any eating establishment. I’m not set against it either, though. A test kitchen appeals to me on many levels and is easier to cope with concerning my lovely back conundrums.

Well, after talking briefly with the rep from Le Cordon Bleu’s Dallas campus and emailing the sibs, I slept for three hours. Glory be, it was needed. I truly haven’t slept well for a few weeks now. The stress has even invaded my sleep. Is it any wonder my coping skills are at a minimum? Aye-yi-yi. I will admit to being a little shocked at the rapid, vehement responses from Julie and Adri. Being sleep deprived and overly emotional, I got teary when I logged into my email and saw both. I do love my sisters.

All that to say, it’s been a fabulous Saturday. And I’ve been smiling, just as I promised I would. I still need more sleep and I still have details to iron out, but I’m leaning more and more toward this new direction in my life. With no butterflies… and I wasn’t being facetious. The Lord really does talk to me through my stomach!

I closed out today with a healthy dinner of almond-crusted baked chicken, broiled asparagus, and spinach salad. You got it… homemade. And yes, I’d put this dish on my restaurant menu for dinner. If I someday have a restaurant. So if you’re a person of faith, please offer up a prayer every now and again… for wisdom and guidance as I proceed forward. And for the confidence to follow His will wherever it may lead. I’ll take all the prayers I can get, for where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there.

P.S. The migraine was gone when I awoke this morning. Amen! Hallelujah!

“It’s a helluva a day at sea, Sir!”

So whenever I hear the phrase, “helluva a day,” I always think of this line from one of the funnier B-rate movies of all time, Overboard. And it hasn’t been a helluva a day. It’s been a helluva a week. So bad, in fact, that I decided on Wednesday that I’m quitting my job. Nope, I haven’t recanted. Nor have I turned in my notice. However, I’m actively seeking employment elsewhere as of now. The straw that broke the camel’s back finally fell. And I’m done.

There was that blissful moment during my drive home when I was complaining to the Lord and I had a revelation. I’ve worked my ass off over the last two years to pay down a ton of personal debt. I was planning to work my ass off for the next year to pay off every last cent to my name… but I don’t have to. Instead, I can take a pay cut and take longer to pay it off because my monthly financial obligations are actually quite low. My work has paid off in that regard. So I’m not worried about chasing down the same paycheck I’m currently bringing home.

Further, I’ve decided to put some serious thought into whether or not I can chuck it all and go to culinary school right now. I have a couple of ideas and sent a request for contact to Le Cordon Bleu, my culinary school of choice. I’m interested in their associate degree for baking and pastry. However, I’d still like to take cuisine courses and I’m not sure how to swing that. I’m also interested in using multiple campuses, but we’ll see. I already have a loose plan regarding culinary school, but I need more information to see if it’s feasible.

Anyway, the week just went downhill from Wednesday, capped off by today’s misadventure. I awoke with a headache that progressed to a migraine as the day went by. If I hadn’t had three meetings today that I needed to attend, I would’ve gone home. But no… I had to be responsible. At least I had PT scheduled after work. And you know it’s bad when Scott presses a place on your jaw and asks, “Is that as tender as it feels?” Uh… yeah. It is. He didn’t use needles because today is Friday and he wouldn’t be able to fix anything if I had an adverse reaction to being stabbed. Instead he used his thumbs and pressed the hell out of the muscles in my shoulders, neck, jaw, and face trying to get everything to release. I’m about 25% better. Thankfully, I don’t have to cook dinner this evening… leftover homemade cream of chicken soup and biscuits. And all the painkillers in my arsenal. And let’s not forget the hot pad and my rocking chair. For the moment, I’m cuddled under the covers in my pajamas with only my blue light on.

Speaking of dinner… it’s warmed and ready for me. Next time we talk, I promise to be smiling!

Whew! Me Tired!

Left to Right: Dad, Mom, Jim, Marilyn, Ally (the sister-in-law), and Brian (the baby brother–I can’t say “little” brother, he’s 6’3″)

The great cooking adventure of Easter 2013 has been survived. Barely!

Saturday, I ran around doing the grocery shopping for the goods I needed to cook, bake, and cook some more. Prior to that trip, though, I made butter crust for my cheesecake and started the vodka crust for my pie dough–Houston, we have a problem. I pulled out the bottle of vodka I store in the freezer, knowing all the while it was almost empty. I also knew I had a second bottle I had purchased last time I baked because I knew it was getting tight. I have no earthly idea where I put bottle #2. That’s right, I searched high and low and couldn’t find it! Bear in mind, Beth does not imbibe. EVER! I don’t like the taste of alcohol. How exactly does one lose a bottle of Grey Goose?! Especially if they don’t drink?! Apparently, with great skill. I had to add “liquor store” to the list of errands. I had to be the only non-drinker in the joint and I walked out with a 1.75L bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. Not joking.

(Yes, this is Beth’s world famous cheesecake. Well, it’s world famous amongst the minions who have eaten it. It’s better than anything you’ll buy in the store or a restaurant. Totally serious. And behind it? The chocolate silk pie. And yes, there’s a handprint in the cheesecake… don’t ask.)

Anyway, amongst my errands, I stopped to see the brother at his restaurant… first, to get some smoked turkey for eating purposes. Second, to show off a new sparkly that arrived on Friday. And third, to cajole him into coming early yesterday to help me cook the chateaubriand because my back just didn’t feel right. Boy, am I glad I did! Before calling it a day on Saturday, I prepared a breakfast strata and a scratch green bean casserole (no cans of cream of mushroom soup or green beans were harmed in the making of this casserole–fresh green beans snapped and blanched, a homemade mushroom cream sauce from sautéed mushrooms, a roux, cream, and chicken stock). And, I finished the cheesecake. By the time I was done, it hurt to stand, sit, bend, twist, and pretty much breathe. I took drugs and went to bed, hoping against hope the spasms would recede by morning.

Sunday, I joined my parental units at church for a fantastic service… I quite possibly had the worst posture in the sanctuary. I felt like I was 86 years old, not 36 years old. Oy veh. After church, I came home to cook and bake some more.

I finished the vodka crust and then proceeded with making a chocolate silk pie. After that, I sautéed mushrooms again, this time for the smashed potatoes that accompany chateaubriand. Once the mushrooms were done, I backburnered them, literally. I pulled out another saucepan and sautéed shallots (I’ll cook with onions, but under no circumstances will I ingest them!) and thyme in some olive oil, then I deglazed with some merlot, reduced the mixture and added beef trimmings and beef stock to reduce into a sauce. For the fifth time (out of five), the sauce reduced without thickening. I have determined the next time I make this, I’m making a roux. I’ve pretty much perfected the art of using a roux, so I’m gonna!

The brother and sister-in-law arrived around 4:00 p.m., and not a moment too soon! I walked him through the chateaubriand while sitting because my back was once again fatiguing at a rapid pace. I had no desire to repeat the spasms from the night before. Brian’s been wanting to learn how to make the chateaubriand, so this provided the reason. He did a fantastic job!

The rest of our meal consisted of a ham that Mom brined for fifteen hours and then baked with a sage-herb rub. About halfway through the baking process, she began coating the ham with an apple cider and brown sugar glaze. I’m not usually a big fan of ham. I tasted that stuff and it was fantastic! I also made buttermilk mashed potatoes to accompany the ham. Mom made glazed carrots as well.

After dinner–which was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone–Brian took a a couple of photos for me. See, today was a horrible day. Jim and Marilyn left Colorado Springs to drive to South Carolina. Forever. They’ve been like grandparents to me for the past four years. They are absolutely precious! They loved on me with hugs and kisses, I-love-yous, and prayers for a spouse (nope, not joking… Marilyn is diligently praying for a man to trip over me). They anxiously waited to hear about my 2.5-week trip to Europe in 2010 and then my 2.5-week up the east coast this past year. They oooed and aaahed over the photos from both vacations. They’ve had me over to Sunday dinner, I had them over to try chateaubriand the first time I made it (“I thought you’d never ask,” Jim would say whenever he received an invite). We’ve gone out to dinner many times. We’ve watched USC play whomever in college football (one of their sons graduated from USC quite awhile back). Like I said, they’re as family as family can be. I honestly can’t fathom life without them, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t standing outside in my pajamas and a sweatshirt waving at them as they took off this morning… with tears. I may or may not have sniffled during most of my drive to work this morning. They’ve recommended I wait until the boxes are unpacked before I come visit. I gave my solemn (and teary) promise to do so. I nearly lost it at dinner on Wednesday when Jim made a comment about me being one of the granddaughters. Like I said, they’re precious. And I’m all sniffly all over again. This from someone who isn’t prone to crying! Aye-yi-yi.

Alright, I need to go before I get completely maudlin over this and start bawling all over everyone. Even with this bittersweet ending, my Easter was fabulous. I know people like to tell everyone that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” around Christmas, but truthfully, I think it’s even more so at Easter. I hope your Easter was as filled with love as mine was, because there’s nothing better in life than being loved.

P.S. Today was Opening Day in baseball and my Dodgers beat the Gnats (their archenemy) 4-0 thanks to a shutout and solo homer from pitcher Clayton Kershaw. I found that out while I was still at work. But that didn’t stop me from coming home and watching the game on DVR. Go Blue! (I might be a big fan… just maybe!)